


One Man's Junk

by kitsygirl (readercat)



Category: British Actor RPF, X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 02:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readercat/pseuds/kitsygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael is used to hearing people talk about his Shame...er, 'co-star'.  Then he spots a photo of James that makes him ponder the question of why no one ever mentions the way James fills out his jeans so very well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Man's Junk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luninosity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luninosity/gifts).



> Based on a comment I made about James's pic (below), in which I swear the photographer caught him farting. This, in turn, led to the following*:
> 
> Luninosity: He's scratching the back of his leg--you can see the hand--but I admit my gaze always goes right to that spot below his belt buckle, there. Poor boy, he actually looks a bit annoyed: you're taking a picture of me NOW? seriously? Michael, however, approves.
> 
> Me:Yeah, once you can tear your eyes away from his, um..."area", you can see that he's scratching his leg. But my first thought is always that he's farting. You have to admit that the positioning, coupled with the expression on his face at getting caught "scratching" does look awfully suspicious, lol...Michael's all impressed, like, "Damn! And people talk about *my* junk!" lol
> 
> Luninosity: There's a story there. Michael's, er, Masculine Attributes tend to get all the attention, and they both just laugh about it, as friends would, of course; and then one day Michael spots a few pictures of James, like this one, and just stares, and then is all, "wait...why aren't we...why does no one ever talk about...what...oh you're just going to have to show me!" :D 
> 
> *The idea is Luninosity's, but the stupidity and poor writing is mine and mine alone, lol! :D

 

  
     “Damn!” Michael is standing in the VIP lounge, staring at a photograph of James that someone had pinned to the bulletin board. “And people talk about _my_ junk!”  
  
     He’d initially been drawn to the photo because, from a distance, it looked like the photographer had caught James in the act of farting.  The position of his body in the photo and the annoyed expression on his usually smiling face said that James was guilty as sin.  Michael, of course, found this absolutely hilarious and fully intended to exploit this opportunity to embarrass James.  
     He goes over to the board, intent on lifting the photo so that he could make enough copies with which to paper the lounge--the entire set, if possible.  He‘s already snickering uncontrollably to himself, imagining the expression on James‘s face when he sees what Michael has done.  But when Michael gets a close up look at the photo, he finds his gaze is riveted to the spot immediately below James’s belt buckle.   _Wowza!_  He lets out a low wolf-whistle and for a moment just stares, mesmerized at the sight, unable to tear his eyes away.  
     Michael knows that his own…er, 'private area'…is the subject of much discussion (not without good reason, he acknowledges humbly), but how come no one has ever said anything about _James_?  Michael looks at some of the other photos of James that have been posted on the board.   _Yep._  The guy is definitely packing some heat.  How is it that no one seems to have noticed something so obviously _there_?   _How in the hell could_ I _have not noticed how he fills out those jeans?!_    Apparently, just like everyone else it seems, he’s been too busy staring at James’s perfect arse (which is, in Michael’s personal opinion, the 8th wonder of the world--well, now the 9th).  Yeah, plenty of talk (and sighing and squealing) from the masses about the work of art that is James's ass, but strangely, not a thing about his dick.      
     Looking around to make sure there are no witnesses, Michael pulls out his phone and pulls up images of James from Tumblr and Live Journal and starts scrolling through them.  ' _Oh, yeah'_ , he grins to himself, soon lost in perusing James-porn.  He nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears a teasing Scottish burr in his ear asking, “Um…Michael…?  Why are you looking at pictures of me on the internet?”  
    _Busted._   Michael blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.  “I saw a photo of you farting!”  
     James looks flabbergasted.  “Huh?!”  
     Michael points frantically.  “Yeah!  The photo's over there, on the board!  I was only staring at it because I thought you were farting, I swear!”  
     “You were staring at my photo.”  James is looking at him like he’s insane.  
     Desperate Michael says, “Cuz I thought you were farting!  I swear!”  
     James walks over and examines the photo.  He snorts out a laugh and says, “I was scratching the _back of my leg_ , Michael.  You can see my hand right there.”  
      _Oh._ “I didn’t see it.  I was distracted.  By the…um…the…um…um...”  
     “What are you on about, Michael?  You know, mate--you’re acting weird, even for you.”  
     Under the knowing gaze of those intensely blue eyes, Michael’s face is turning red.  “I, er…well, I couldn’t help but notice that you…um, well…”  He rubs the back of his neck and finally blurts out, “Why doesn’t anyone talk about how big your cock is, James?”  
     The look on James‘s face is priceless.  “I beg your pardon?”  
     “Er...your, er...your c-cock," Michael stammers, indicating the front of James's jeans.  "H-how big it is.  Why hasn't anyone said anything about it!?  People talk about _mine_ all the time.   _All.  The.  Time._   But I’ve never heard a word about _yours_ \--and it’s not like it’s a small or anything.”  He points at the photo, “I mean, unless you’re _padding_ or something, that thing has got to be huge!”  
     “No, I’m not _padding_ ,” James scowls.  “I’m Scottish, Michael.  Scottish blokes have big cocks."  Then he shrugs and says matter-of-factly, "It’s our thing.  You know, a cultural thing.”

     “Oh.”  
     “ ** _I_** don’t say anything about it because, it would be like going about announcing that the Grand Canyon is big, or that fire is hot, or that you smile with far too many teeth.  People already know.  I don‘t feel the need to shove it in their face, so to speak.”  Then he grins and winks at Michael, “Unless they just _want_ me to…”  
     Michael nearly strangles on his own spit.  
     James continues on.  “I suppose _other_ people don’t talk about it because they’re too busy looking at _your_ giant cock.”  He grins again.  “At least, **_I_** am, anyway.”  
     Michael finally finds his voice, though he is a bit hoarse.  “I’m not quite sure I believe you, James.  I think I may have to see this with my own eyes.”  
     Those blue eyes light up with challenge.  “A side-by-side comparison then?”  
     “You’re saying yours is bigger than mine?”  
     James flashes him another cheeky grin, “Well, there’s only one way to find out!”

  
Later that evening…

  
     Michael kisses James and laughingly announces, “Looks like we have a tie.”  
     James slaps him on the ass, earning a yelp from Michael.  “Tie, my arse!  If we’re the same size, technically that would make _me_ bigger, since I’m shorter and thinner than you.”  
     “You really going to argue about this, James?”  
     “Yes.”  
     “Alright, then.  You win.  You’re a bigger cock than me…er, I mean you _have_ a--URRFFF!!” his laughing retort is cut off by a pillow to the face.  
     “Alright, you arse!”  James laughs.  “I’ll agree to a tie.  It’s not like either of us can say that we lost tonight.”  
     “That, we can definitely agree upon,” Michael says as they prepare for round two.  “After all, they do say that one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.”  
     “That it is,” James replies, pulling Michael into a kiss.  "That it is."  


End file.
